Letters To Ludwig
by xxkunoichi159xx
Summary: Letters that Kiku has written to Ludwig that he's never sent. I don't like rating stuff K... so I'll rate it K plus although I'm sure that K would be just fine.
1. Letter 1

Dear Ludwig,

I stand alone, following behind you and Feliciano, knowing the whole time that you two are giving each other those looks.

I am quiet and I keep to myself, and I know that you must think me to be quite strange. But really, I just want to be accepted. I want for you to try to understand me. I don't want to be left to stand in the back, thinking to myself that, perhaps I am worthless. And I know that sometimes I act almost uncaring. I'm not cold hearted, just scared. Scared to say something or do something wrong. Especially if that something were to send you away from me.

Ludwig, I have never felt this way about anyone before you. I have never so badly wanted somebody to care about me. And I know that you are holding hands with Feliciano as you walk those several feet in front of me, and I sometimes wish that I could cry because of it. He's a sweet boy, he may not seem so smart, but I'm sure that he is. He gives you the attention that you deserve... the attention that I know I would be too afraid to give you. He's a cute boy, Feliciano is, and I guess that you love him a lot, although I've never heard you say it. And I don't want to ruin something as wonderful as a love between you and he.

So, I will continue to walk behind you both, as you talk with one another and he clings to your strong arm, almost as though his life depends upon it. And I will wish to no end that I could be in the Italian's place. I will think about how it would feel to be the one that you want to be with. To be the one that you want to touch with those rough, yet soft, hands. And I'll hope to myself that someday I will be the one that you whisper loving words to. The one that you hold close to yourself, creating a protective barrier between myself and the rest of the world. And although I know it will never happen, I will continue to hope that it might, because this hope is all that is keeping me here. This hope is the only reason that I continue to walk behind you both, watching my feet as they touch the ground again and again in such a rhythmic way. This hope is all that is keeping me from feeling completely useless and worthless.

Because I know that at some point during the day, Feliciano will hug me tight like he always does, and you will laugh and blush, telling him as you do so that that was enough, he should let go. And I will freak out, trying to push the Italian away from me, blushing a violent shade of red, as though I don't want his hugs.

But in all truth, I want to be hugged... I want it so much. I just wish that you would hug me too. I wish that altogether, we could have a group hug, The Axis Powers as one for just a moment. Because no matter how much I am afraid to mess something up, I just want a few seconds to feel like I have friends, real friends. And I want a few seconds to feel as though some one cares.

Although I'll never send this, I will sign it and keep it for myself, so that I can remember the way I felt when I was still part of The Axis Powers. I will keep this so that I can remember that you were the first person that I ever truly loved, but I didn't tell you, in the hopes that we could at least remain friends. I can't stand to lose somebody like you for something so selfish as telling you that I love you.

-Kiku


	2. Letter 2

Dear Ludwig,

It has been a few days since I wrote the last unsent letter, and I'm thinking about writing more. It helps to keep my mind from wondering too much while I am around you.

However, I wish it could stop my heart from aching the way it does. Your voice resounds in my ears as I try to sleep. I don't know what's overcome me... and I'm ashamed to say how much I care about your opinion of me.

Today, you and I were alone together. I wanted so badly to tell you how I feel. I wanted so badly to just hear you whisper my name in my ear as you hugged me. But... we didn't hug. We hardly even spoke to each other. That's when I realized...

I must be a fool to think that you could ever love me.

I'll say it time and time again in my letters to you...

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

More than I should. It's something forbidden. Something disgraceful. Something wrong. Completely wrong. But I can't help it. I can't stop myself from feeling this way.

Ludwig... I'm sorry that I could ruin everything simply from this feeling I get when I see you. And I'm sorry that I can't tell you how I feel.

Everybody always says that if you love somebody, tell them.

I think that if you love somebody, maybe you should tell them. But when that somebody loves somebody else... then keep it to yourself. Then at least you can attempt to keep the delusions of them possibly loving you. Maybe the two of you can continue to be nothing more than friends. Because the moment that they say they don't love you back, you know that it was over before it even began.

-Kiku


	3. Letter 3

Dear Ludwig,

Today you held my hand, if only for a moment. You stood between us, Feliciano and I, and you took my hand in your own as Feliciano took yours.

I'm sorry if I seemed strange when I blushed, I couldn't stop myself, really. It felt nice to have your fingers laced with mine, even if it didn't mean anything. And, I didn't freak out, I just looked at you in shock as you gave me a sweet smile, gazing down at me with those blue eyes of yours.

I want you to know that you made my entire day, no, my entire week, even better just by this simple gesture. It may not have meant much to you, but Ludwig, it meant the world to me. Just knowing that, perhaps you care about me a little more than I thought.

Apart from the moments that we've shared our glances, the moments that we've laughed together, I have never felt as though you had any intention of actually being my friend, or rather... anything more than simply an allie. And now, I can honestly say that, if just for a moment, there was hope. Hope that maybe we could have something more than just an alliance.

Now, I'm one small step closer to what I want. I know that I will never really reach that point, but it's alright to hope, yes? As long as I don't expect such a thing to really happen...

I apologize for this letter being so short, but somebody is at my door and I must leave for the moment.

Perhaps I will write again tomorrow... or is this messing with my feelings even more?

-Kiku


	4. Response Letter

Letter after letter, Kiku had written to his ally, though he had never sent them. They were starting to pile up, honestly. But, he kept them hidden within a box in his room. Nobody would ever touch them there. The box was locked and he knew that the contents would remain safe...

Ludwig approached the smaller male after training with a bit of a smile, though it quickly faded as he cleared his throat. He wasn't sure what he should say, really, so he just handed the envelope to his Japanese friend. The contents within were unknown to Kiku, yet he took it without a second thought. He looked over the envelope for a moment, noting that his name was clearly marked on the front. There was no indication of whether this was from Ludwig or somebody else. He blinked at the taller male who simply reached a hand up to ruffle his allies hair a bit before walking away.

After another small examination, Kiku opened the envelope, not moving from the spot he had been in when Ludwig handed it to him.

_Dear Kiku,_

_A few days ago, I was with you at your house. You remember, yes? I came to talk to you about changing the date for our next training session, but you were in the shower. So, I invited myself in by means of the key you had given me in case of something like this. I soon found myself in your room, just wandering aimlessly. I found a previously locked box opened, and curiosity got the better of me as I noticed my name written on one of the papers..._

_I have seen the letters and read some of them. I didn't want to tell you immediately, fearing that you may be upset at the intrusion. However, I think that you deserve some sort of response._

_Kiku. I don't know how else to put this but, I do not love Feliciano. I never have and I never will. We're simply friends. Nothing more. So, please, don't worry about such things._

_Furthermore, I would like to tell you that you shouldn't hide something so important from me. Don't be afraid that I will not accept you as you are._

_Kiku, you are amazing._

_I have never been able to figure out what you are thinking, and perhaps this is something about you that has intrigued me for such a long time. Or maybe it's the exotic look you posses, the feel of your fingers intertwined with mine..._

_I'm not sure about all of that, but I do know that I have felt the same way about you for years. You've always had my attention, however, I suppose that neither of us knew how to properly act upon such feelings. Kiku, with all my heart, I truly do love you. _

_And with that said, I would also like to say that I have been writing unsent letters to you for quite some time now. There must be thousands of them hidden in my attic. _

_Now, I shouldn't have walked too far away, and if you have read this while still standing there, rather than returning home to read it... please, come to me. Please. _

_I love you._

_-Ludwig_

Ludwig had been watching him from nearby, a small smile on his lips as he watched the other's facial expressions change ever so slightly. Of course, he knew that Kiku wasn't the kind to show his emotions very clearly, but Ludwig noted the subtle, almost unnoticeable, differences, even from this distance.

When Kiku finally finished reading, he didn't know whether to believe what he had just read or not. A few tears had trailed from his eyes down his cheeks and he didn't even notice them. He took a hesitant step forward before stopping.

What should he do?

He took a deep breath before folding the letter up and placing it back in the envelope, then in his pocket. He then took a few more steps forward, glancing around a bit as he walked slowly, nervously. And soon, he spotted the German.

The blonde's kind, gentle, smile was enough to make Kiku smile in return. He walked closer, resisting the urge to run to him, and when he finally got to him, he looked up with a small smile.

"Ich liebe dich." Ludwig whispered, putting a hand on Kiku's tear stained cheek and pressing a kiss to his lips. He wasn't sure how the Asian would react to this, but he soon found out that it wasn't as unwelcomed by Kiku as he thought it might have been. The smaller man kissed back ever so lightly, and after a few moments, they broke the kiss and looked at each other. Ludwig still wore his smile while Kiku wore an expression of pleasant confusion. The Japanese man pulled himself closer to his ally and hid his face against the blonde's chest.

"Aishiteru." He whispered in return. He had finally received what he had wanted and he felt completely content.

And later, the pair returned to the German's house where Ludwig showed him the stacks upon stacks of letters that he had written to Kiku over the years.


End file.
